| is already two months, seriously.. is quite fast, i cant believe it.. and within these two months a lot of things happened, but i am happy with how things went actually.. and last night, when i was on my way home, all of a sudden ..i realized, i have been escaping from reality for a loooooooooooooooooooong time. What i mean is, i haven't really thought about myself, my life, what i am doing, what am i not doing, or i just ..let things go with the flow to the extent that .. she rather let her original power of decision making handover to others..such as my mom.. and yea..etc.. is more like whatever they say , analyze, reasons...i will only say..oh, okay si darn la..ho wah..mo saw wai....u like la.. ..really? ...oh cool...hai ar??....... ng hai ar ma??....wahhh...orrrr..... ....... i just realized, how powerful these phrases are. most importantly, i JUST really REALLY REALIZED, i have been quite shutting off from friends, people.even family members, as much as i can......... deep down, wah, i am scared of facing people.. why? hm.. let's see....... i guess well....hmm..maybe from my past experience, i am just too tired, too scared, too unwilling to face another disappoint tat kinda attitude........so.. with these three reasons, i might as well....... be alone myself=). like how i used to go to gelato every single day just to hang there and chat with the girls there.. they were much pure, much more energetic.......somehow, so simple minded that..wow.. i worry for them.. .. the benefit is that, i can have someone i can talk to.. at the same time, i feel i am free from any obligations. .. i guess that kinda obligations is not the right term........... is more like, even seeing me upset..they won't care and won't be affected by my emotions ..wont worry about me........yea that's what i mean so basically 04 end to 08 april.. that's how i been living my life.. occasionally meeting ppl.. and dated for a while.. but even tho.. yea........... that's why my dating didnt work =(.. yea but hey, i did try u know.. try to step out of my "comfort zone"........but just too difficult.. i guess my fear was just too.. deep... and esp. i am stubborn.. so..sigh... see how much time i have wasted......but well..... the gd side is, my life was super duper regular.. so routine that....... i lost my time management skills.......coz i didnt have to manage my time at all.. how i realize that?..yea coz i just started working and that's how i realize how poorly i am in planning..and even scared in planning my timetable.. when i plan, i panic........ gd that my boss is so nice to me..haha she was teaching me how to use my outlook bits by bits .......God really has mercy on me.. .He has sent many angels .. and His tolerance on how I have been hiding in my own "cave" is amazing.. but i know I am making Him sad too.... well time to go work.. guess have to stop here for now. |
